Airport Health Care

In a few short months, CVG, our local airport will be performing full-body scans. Some decry this invasion of privates or privacy, however you choose to view it. They claim TSA personnel will use the equipment to check passengers for more than contraband, in which case, the stimulus money used to purchase the scanning machine will stimulate things other than the economy. All of this may be true up to a point, but in these hard economic times, we have to look and think outside of the box. Tightened security is inevitable, but we may as well make the best of it. This may be a blessing disguised as voyeurism.

Think about it. The cost of health care is skyrocketing. Everyone is delegating, but no one is accepting the blame. Our representatives in D.C. cannot agree on government’s role to keep us hale and hardy while making physician’s waiting rooms with copies of 1997 National Geographic accessible and affordable for all Americans.

Keep in mind that CT scans on average cost $1,397.00. An MRI of the brain runs $3,227.00. I found this information online, so it must be true.

Now consider this. A person can jet to Las Vegas, spend a couple of days in a nice hotel, gamble or sightsee to her heart’s content for $351.20. A mere fraction of the cost of either test.

Given this data, I think I’ve hit on a way to cut soaring health care costs.

Let’s send sick people to Vegas.

For argument’s sake, suppose the government were to blend the issues of airport security and health care. What if airport personnel could accept a physician’s order with our boarding pass? For example, a person with a backache would get a note from the doctor instructing the TSA to focus on the lower lumbar area. Or in the case of migraines, zoom in on those clogged sinuses. For smaller body parts, such as arms and fingers, the patient/passenger would hop on the conveyor belt and ride along with their carryon items. The report goes to the doctor; the patient goes to Las Vegas; the cost of health care goes down. A win, win, win outcome.

As the threat level increases to yellow-orange or orange-yellow, and body searches become more invasive, they could include prostate screening for the gentlemen and pap smears for the ladies. Yet more savings!

In order to make some money, the struggling airlines could offer some optional testing as well. Passengers aren’t allowed to carry liquids aboard planes, so why not extend that to internal liquids as well. Passengers could relieve those bladders into plastic cups before boarding the plane and purchase one of those color-changing test strips like they do potato chips and cookies. The plane would be lighter and therefore more fuel-efficient and the traveler at ease, knowing she won’t be bothered with a painful UTI while out of town. In time, pregnancy tests could be added.

It’s a golden opportunity to allow our government to dabble in health care without overhauling the system until we’re sure they can handle the job. If the TSA proves itself, other government agencies can follow suit. Next up? The IRS. They’ve become so adept at taking a pound of flesh, taking our blood should be a piece of cake.